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September 2001  Newsletter
  PAGE 2    Aging and Spirituality  
 
ACTION

Things you can do...

http://ucevanston.org/sermons/sinnamon_3-25-01.html

Jung's Seven Tasks of Aging.

  • To face the reality of age and death—from the middle of life onward, only he remains vitally alive who is ready to die with life. Accepting the reality of death lets us live life fully.

  • The need to review, reflect upon, and sum up one’s life. It is the need to tell one’s story before one dies. How interesting that we tell the story and look for the meaning when we memorialize a life, but do we listen when that person is still living?

  • Draw some conscious mental boundaries beyond which it is not reasonable to expend the remainder of one’s time and energy. Consciously letting go of one’s burdens and aspirations lets one focus total attention and energy not only on what is attainable, but on what is one’s truest concern.

  • Letting go of the dominance of one’s ego. Letting go.

  • A new rooting in the Self. Bringing together the opposites in the most complete expression of our wholeness, which is also our uniqueness—the god within us.

  • Finding the meaning of one’s life. In Jungian terms this is coordinating one’s memories with important outer happenings until a sense of one’s archetypal ground plan is revealed, and through it a reason for existence. We are connected to historical and universal meaning, a sense of life purpose fulfilled.

  • Rebirth—dying with life. The creative function. It is a playful approach to life, using all the possibilities that life has to offer, not in an ego-dominated way, but as a creative artist or child at play. Living itself becomes the point, and the unexpected becomes the raw material of its exploration. One is one’s own authority.
      

     

Ten Tips for Talking with Aging Parents
 
by Rachel Green
 
 Love them.
Love them and tell them you love them. Don’t leave it unspoken. It’s the important first step which makes everything else possible.

Put quality time aside for them.
Be in regular contact whether it is in person, by phone, by letter or e-mail. Do not be too busy to visit or to be in contact.

Talk with them about their lives.
Talk with them about their lives. Record their stories. Reminisce together - you may be surprised what memories you rediscover, what details they can fill in that you have forgotten, what interesting reflections they have on their childhoods and yours.

Make up for anything in the past that hasn’t gone well.
Develop a good relationship with them if you have not been able to do this before. Take the courage to ask questions and to make comments about any times you are still bitter about, that you regret, that you feel angry about. Be curious about hearing their side of the story. Spending time sorting out any unfinished business with your parents before they die means you may find more contentment and intimacy in your final years together and fewer regrets when they die. We talk about this more in the Midlife retreat.

Thank them.
Thank them for the good times you had as a child and specify what they were - do it now while you have time together. Tell them what you learnt from them. Tell them what you value about the upbringing they gave you.

Be able to say "no, thank you" nicely.
Sometimes ageing parents can be manipulative or too demanding. Be willing to state your limits. Have boundaries. Don’t be at their constant beck and call if their requests are endless, unrealistic or petty. (We practise ways to say "no, thank you" nicely in both the "Being Taken Seriously" and "Keeping Your Head Above Water" workshops if you want to learn the skills needed to do this.)
Speak clearly
If they are hard of hearing speak clearly and slightly more slowly but without exaggerating your speech. Do not yell—this distorts your speech and raises the pitch of your voice. You might increase the volume of your voice slightly but keep the pitch down—higher pitches can sometimes be the hardest to hear. Make sure they can see your face and that your face is well lit.

Be willing to talk about their health
Don't let your parents worry in silence. Be an ear for their concerns. It may also be helpful to go with them when they attend medical appointments if they are shy of asking Doctors the important questions. Some of our parents still put Doctors on pedestals and just do what they are told, instead of finding out vital information such as the side effects of drugs, the cause of symptoms, and the prognosis for their problems. Help them ask the right questions and find out the information.

Talk about death with them.
Talk about their attitudes towards dying, about the funerals they wish for, about how they want to spend the last days of their lives, about anything they want to do before they die.

Express your feelings.
If you are caring for your parents you may run through a whole range of feelings from despair, guilt, anger, irritation, bewilderment, sadness, emptiness, loneliness, anxiety, shock, numbness. Find ways to express these without burdening your parents with them.

  http://www.iinet.net.au/


Counteracting Ageism

In counteracting the negativism of ageism, as well as in developing their own personal spirituality of aging, older adults may wish to reflect on the following six points:

  1. Live in the now—the present moment.

    The past is important; it has shaped us and brought us to the present moment. Memories, especially the good ones, need to be treasured and brought to consciousness from time to time. Good memories help provide a sense of well-being and validate one's life. Painful memories remind us that there is still work to do...

  2. Periodically, engage in memory work or life review. Engaging in memory work helps to bring home the realization that God has always been at work in the course of one's life. Oftentimes, it is only in retrospect as we look back over life's events that the Hand of God can be seen ever clasped around our shoulders. We may have felt abandoned during a given experience, but from the distance of time we can better see God's design. Even though there may no feeling of God's presence, God has not left us.
     

  3. Arriving at resolutions and reaching out to make peace. Memory work may bring up issues of anger, guilt, shame, rejection, misunderstandings and other disquieting feelings. As we come to the final days of our earthly journey, memory work—backed up by a massive dose of the gifts of the Spirit —may spur us on to make efforts to resolve the unresolved, especially in the delicate art of mending broken or damaged relationships.

  4. Capacity for growth. Even though we recognize the incredible undertakings of extraordinary women and men in their old age (John XXIII and Mother Teresa for example), we may overlook the fact that each older individual still has within herself/himself potential yet to be tapped. A challenge of old age, with the help of the ever-present Spirit, is to tap the potential within and become the person that God desires us to be. There is never a time when the potential for growth ceases. Sometimes, it is precisely during the time of one's last hours in this life that remarkable growth takes place... 

  5. Being a Sacrament of Hope. There are many signs of despair in our society. Younger men and women need to know by word, deed and example that...life is worth living and that it can be lived. The presence of older women and men, filled with the Spirit...reaching out to others with compassion, walking around with a smile on their faces and in their hearts testifies...that all may have the fullness of life.

  6. An understanding and acceptance of one's passion. All women and men somehow wrestle with the mystery of suffering in their lives and in our world. Old age gives one the precious opportunity to leisurely pray about and reflect on this great mystery and possibly integrate it in one's life.

    Letting go—is at the heart of...spirituality...In old age we gradually die, letting go of all, in the hope that we will have a new experience of life.

    Spirituality is about life...A spirituality of aging focuses in on the aging process itself as the ordinary human process that God uses to bring us to God. Spirituality fills "all this unused life that we carry about." Spirituality is the environment for wholeness.

    André Mathieu 

Within the experience of aging and the notion of spirituality there is an expanded sense of time in relation to quality of life. There is emphasis on internal processes or inner experiences which facilitate expanding consciousnesses. Hence, time to meditate, and participate in other more passive activities can be healthy for older adults as they contemplate and reflect (Newman, 1987). Some studies suggest that life satisfaction increases simultaneously with aging as a shift takes place from the material world to the cosmic. (Tornstam, 1994)
 

http://iml.umkc.edu/casww/sa/Spirituality.htm

Couple at a computerSTRATEGIES TO BRING SPIRITUALITY INTO OLDER ADULT LIVES

Personal Experiences

Some persons have unique and very personal experiences that may be outside the realm of usual or traditional practices of most older adults. Hence, individuals may be reluctant to describe these. However, this sharing may be very helpful in resolving some distress older persons may feel in their spiritual lives. Allowing persons to express these personal experiences serves as an outlet for emotions. Some of these experiences may include:

  •  Dreams
  •  Hypnosis
  •  Fantasies and Daydreams
  •  Near Death Experiences
  •  Visions/Hallucinations
  •  Meditation
      (Ebersole & Hess, 1998)

Practical Approaches

There are many simple approaches that individuals may use to help persons who are looking for meaning or spirituality in their lives:

  • Listen
  • Be aware of signs of mental health problems and urge professional help
  • Share concern and observations
  • Provide privacy
  • Reassure the value of the person
  • Allow decisions to be made
  • Accept without judgment
  • Help express religious, spiritual or social needs
  • Recognize cultural differences
  • Keep separate values and spiritual beliefs that are different
  • Refer to professionals when needs are beyond listener's ability to help
  • Use humor as appropriate

SUMMARY

Spirituality is far more encompassing than religion, though we often see the two used interchangeably. Studies have found this state of transcendence, beyond the material and self (Thiabault, 1991) or spirituality positively correlated with morale, health and happiness. National initiatives such as the National Interfaith Coalition of Aging and facets of the White House Conferences on Aging have ignited interest and programs within the formal religious communities and other nonprofit entities. 

While we understand that older adults may turn to religion more over time to help them cope or adapt, the church often becomes less accessible in their time of need. Different individuals within cultures have differing philosophies and practices of spirituality, but derive similar positive outcomes. 

Losses and life changes increase in later life and challenge older adults. Instilling hope, offering supports and therapeutic interventions such as prayer, meditation, artistic expression or professional referrals may lead to spiritual renewal and healing. Enhanced understanding of spirituality through the information, resources and links on this site may lead readers closer to a successful aging process.

http://iml.umkc.edu/casww/sa/Spirituality.htm

 

"We worry too much about something to live on— and too little about something to live for."

    Jimmy Townsend, in
  Virtues of Aging,
   —by Jimmie Carter

 

 

BOOKS AND ARTICLES TO READ...

Aging, Spirituality and Religion: A Handbook by Melvin A. Kimble, Susan H. McFadden, James W. Ellor and James J. Seeber (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1995); hardcover, 637 pages.

Aging With Grace, Power and a Plan by Lucy H. Scott and Cynthia Scott (New York City: Hyperion Press).

Green Winter: Celebrations of Old Age by Elise Maclay (New York City: McGraw Hill, 1977

The Measure of My Days by Florida Scott-Maxwell (New York City: Alfred A. Knopf, 2000); paperback, 160 pages

Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen (Image Books, 1994) paperback, 151 pages

Aging by Henri J. M. Nouwen and Walter J. Gaffney (Image Books, 1976); paperback, 152 pages. 

Aging and God: Spiritual Pathways to Mental Health in Midlife and Later Years by Harold G. Koenig (Binghamtom, N.Y.: Haworth Press, 1994); paperback, 544 pages. 

Aging and Spirituality: Spiritual Dimensions of Aging--Theory, Research, Practice and Policy by David O. Moberg (Binghamton, N.Y.: Haworth Press, 2001); hardcover. 

Aging as a Spiritual Journey by Eugene Bianchi (New York City: Crossroad Publications, 1984); paperback.

Border Crossing: A Spiritual Journey by Katie Funk Wiebe (Scottdale, Pa: Herald Press, 1995); paperback, 232 pages. 

This book is about the transitions in life, particularly the journey into retirement and the inner journey of aging.--Elaine Tiller

Fire in the Soul: A Prayer Book for the Later Years by Richard M. Morgan (Nashville, Tenn.: Upper Room Books, 2000); paperback (large-print format), 160 pages.  

This collection of prayers represents the authors own meditations as well as those of others throughout the ages. The chapters speak to the day-to-day spiritual concerns of many, especially those in their later years.--Marty Richards

Full Circle: Spirituality Therapy for the Elderly by Kevin Kirkland and Howard McIlveen (Binghamton, N.Y.: Haworth Press, 1998); hardcover.

The authors of this volume on spiritual therapy provide ideas, questions, and recommended music to jog memories from the past and reflection in the present for older adults.

The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom by Henri J. M. Nouwen (New York City: Doubleday, 1998); paperback, 118 pages.   

In an age of narcissistic confessionals, this book lacks shock--and schlock--value. There is little sex, no drugs. Instead we are witness to the wounds of a gifted healer. Nouwen recounts the dark clouds that shrouded him as he experienced depression and his faltering attempts to stay still and to listen to God as Nouwen resumed his ministry.--W. A. Achenbaum

The Journey of Life: A Cultural History of Aging in America by Thomas R. Cole (New York City: Cambridge University Press, 1997); paperback, 304 pages. 

Offering examples of life and in particular of aging in America from the colonial era to modern times, Cole traces the change from ambivalence toward older people in the earlier periods to the redefinition of aging as a scientific problem with new potential in the late 20th century.

Learn to Grow Old by Paul Tournier (Louisville, Ky.: Westminster John Knox, 1991); paperback, 248 pages.

In this classic first published in 1972, Tournier writes about the spiritual journey of aging with keen insight and offers some very practical suggestions about adjusting to retirement.--Steve Karnes

Sabbatical Journey: The Diary of His Final Year by Henri J. M. Nouwen (New York City: Crossroad Classics, 1998); paperback, 240 pages. 

This is Nouwen's last book--a day by day accounting, full of ruminations, about friends and quotidian events. The centrality of the Eucharist is a visible sign of this gifted writer's inner peace as he walked busily toward his maker.--W. A. Achenbaum

Spiritual Passages: Embracing Life's Sacred Journey by Drew Leder (New York City: Jeremy P. Tacher/Putnam, 1997); paperback, 296 pages. 

A book that explores how to use the aging process as a spiritual path to wholeness in the second half of life. The author presents a treasure-trove of stories, exercises and meditations from the world's wisdom traditions: Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Judaism, Christianity and Native American Spirituality. This text compliments Zalman Schachter-Shalomi's landmark book, From Age-ing to Sage-ing.--Carolyn Gutowski

Toward A Theology of Aging, edited by Seward Hiltner (New York City: Human Sciences Press, 1975); paperback, 83 pages. Out of print.

Offers unique theological perspectives from an interfaith assembly of authors.--James Ellor

Visions of Innocence: Spiritual and Inspirational Experiences of Childhood by Edward Hoffman (Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1992); paperback, 184 pages.  Out of print.

Although this book looks at experiences that occurred in childhood, they are recalled by middle-aged and older people who show how the events still have meaning for spiritual development.

Winter Grace: Spirituality and Aging by Kathleen R. Fisher (Nashville, Tenn.: Upper Room Press, 1998); paperback, 192 pages. C

A beautifully written book that looks at the issues of loss and gain from a lifelong perspective, rather than treating aging as something that begins suddenly at 65 or so. A super introduction to issues of aging and spirituality for all aging people and all those interested professionally in the topic.--Lynn Huber

Wisdom Circles: A Guide to Self-Discovery and Community Building in Small Groups by Charles Garfield, Sedonia Cahill and Cindy Spring (New York City: Hyperion Press, 1998); paperback, 256 pages.

Offers new ideas for reflecting and integrating meaning in one's life.--Kathy Desilvy

Working the Gray Zone by Charles G. Oakes (Franklin, Tenn.: Providence House Publishers, 2000).

For the past 50 years, institutional Jewish and Christian religion has accepted secular models of service for older adults. Now that public policy and programs are beginning to include a philosophy of empowerment for and by elders, the synagogue and church once again find themselves behind the curve. This book provides a comprehensive exploration of primarily Old Testament theology showing that ancient cultures had it right. American institutional religion is called on to reconsider its own powerful but neglected heritage of lifelong, age-related fulfillment of personal purpose.--Charles Oakes

Working With Groups on Spiritual Themes: Structured Exercises in Healing by Elaine Hopkins, Zo Woods, Russell Kelly, Katrina Bentley and James Murphey (Duluth, Minn.: Whole Person Press, 1995); paperback, 176 pages. 

A clearly written, experience-based, practical tome about spirituality and mental health written by an interdisciplinary team. Structured exercises deal with relationships, wonder, life review and other topics. The exercises could be used in a mental health in-patient or outpatient setting--where they were originally used--or by groups in long-term care facilities and adult education classes in communities of faith.--Marty Richa

Books and Articles

Benson, Herbert. Timeless Healing: The Power and Biology of Belief. New York: Fireside, 1997.

Koenig, Harold G. The Healing Power of Faith: Science Explores Medicine's Last Great Frontier. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1999.

Koenig HG, Idler E, Kasl S, Hays J, George LK, Musick M, Larson DB, Collins T, Benson H. Religion, spirituality, and medicine: A rebuttal to skeptics. International Journal of Psychiatry in Medicine (1999) 29: 123-131.

Leder, Drew. Spiritual Passages: Embracing Life's Sacred Journey. New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam, 1997.

"Should Doctors Prescribe Religion?" Medical Economics, Jan. 10, 2000. Available at http://www.findarticles.com/.

Sloan, R. P. "Religion, Spirituality, and Medicine." Lancet Feb. 20, 1999. Also Letters to the Editor re: "Religion, Spirituality, and Medicine." Lancet May 22, 1999. Available at http://www.findarticles.com/

"Why Survive: Being Old in America" (Harper & Rowe, 1975), Butler defines ageism as:

". . . a process of systematic stereotyping of and discrimination against people because they are old, just as racism and sexism accomplish this with skin color and gender. Old people are categorized as senile, rigid in thought and manner, old-fashioned in morality and skills . . . Ageism allows the younger generation to see older people as different from themselves; thus they subtly cease to identify with their elders as human beings. . . . Ageism, like all prejudices, influences the self view and behavior of its victims. The elderly tend to adopt negative definitions of themselves and to perpetuate the very stereotypes directed against them, thereby reinforcing society's beliefs." (pp 12-13)

Articles of Interest

Age discrimination is rampant in the technology industry
More than two-thirds of tech professionals over 45 cited ageism as a "significant problem" when surveyed by Bloomington, Minn.-based career portal Techies.com. Nearly one in three workers over 45 said they have either witnessed or experienced "age bias," according to a study.   Full Article...

Retired? Fine. Now get back to work
Wait a minute. Isn't this corporate America, where companies give overripe workers the old heave-ho at the earliest possible opportunity and employees are said to feel "finished at 40"? As everyone knows, respect for elders is a workplace rarity, and age discrimination persists. But now economic and demographic forces have started the pendulum swinging in the other direction, improving the lot of older workers all over the country.   Full Article...

Retired no longer means no work  
More people are finding that traditional notions of old age and retirement are about as useful as an eight-track tape player. As people live longer and enter old age in better health, the generally accepted goals for this stage of life do not apply quite as universally -- if they ever did.   Full Article...

Valuing wisdom of the elderly  
Most damaging is the exclusion of the elderly from the workforce. Increasingly, employers look for youth. Younger men and women are seen as more easily molded and creating fewer problems, and they are assumed to be more energetic workers. Today, in many professions, a person is "old" upon reaching 40. The natural growing process is a sword of Damocles, perched to fall at the onset of middle age.   Full Article...

Attitudes about older workers need to mature  
The work force is growing older. Because the generations behind the baby boomers are significantly smaller, the tight labor market shows no sign of loosening. That means employers will have to change their attitudes about older workers, change their benefits policies and redefine what ``retirement'' really means. Employers focus so intently on today's productivity or this quarter's bottom line that they can't see the demographic time bomb right in front of them.

"An' most of us die . . .long before we're dead.
An' what kills us is the terrible weight of all 
this unused life that we carry around."

from "Shirley Valentine," by playwright Willy Russell 

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